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Below are the 18 most recent journal entries recorded in mzwills' LiveJournal:

Friday, June 2nd, 2006
1:08 am
Hard to Believe
Voice on elevator emergency intercom: Hello? Hello?

Confused woman who just got on: Um.....yes?

Voice: Yes, I'm Karen* from American Express. Can I please speak with Shin Chen*?

Woman: Um...No... You just reached an elevator.

Voice: Oh! Well, thank you for using American Express. If you have any questions, please call 1-800-555-1234*. Thanks for using American Express and have a great day!

541 Willamette Street
Eugene, Oregon
Friday, April 28th, 2006
12:05 pm
I'll bet she had a great GPA.
Monday, April 24th, 2006
5:12 pm
Wednesday, April 19th, 2006
4:55 pm
Cheez Whiz!
My God, everyone in the White House staff is resigning or going on trial. There's no doing homework at a time like this.
Monday, March 27th, 2006
3:10 am
Haunted House
Long story short: Today I visited someone inside the storied Apthorp Apartments on 79th Street. I have the photographs on Facebook to prove it.

What's with elevator men? They just stand there all day and push the elevator buttons for you. It's a silly expense. Plus, you have to make awkward conversation with them.
Friday, March 3rd, 2006
5:31 pm
Minority Rights
"As a minority on campus (a minority so small that I defy you to find anyone at all besides me who is me), I look forward to seeing these issues resolved."

-- me, contributing to a discussion on minorities being oppressed and feeling unwelcome on campus
Tuesday, February 14th, 2006
1:25 am
Usually guilt is an indication that you've done something wrong.
Thursday, February 9th, 2006
5:32 pm

You're Liechtenstein!

Most folks don't take you that seriously, but you really make
a big deal out of being independent.  You don't do a whole lot for other
people, but you make the best of the resources available to you.  You really
like snow.  And mountains.  And being independent.  And you're
probably pretty small.

Take the Country Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid

Friday, February 3rd, 2006
9:37 pm
Courtside seats would be SO wasted on me.
On my way home tonight, I stopped in at the basketball game. Our boys in uniform were playing Harvard. It was my first spectator sporting event since... let's see, 10th grade.

My attention wandered after about fifteen seconds. The scene wasn't at all what I had expected. Frankly, it was chaotic. Referees (umpires? whatever you call them) in striped shirts were darting around and blowing their whistles seemingly at random. Our mascot strutted up and down on the sidelines. (Didn't he get hot and uncomfortable in that suit?)

Fearless young cheerleaders stood right in the line of fire, behind the basketball net on one side, doing all sorts of life-threatening stunts. I couldn't bear to watch them; the moment of clavicle-snapping doom seemed imminent. The home-team band broke into marching tunes at every opportunity, and the rest of the time they hollered incoherently from behind their instruments. I admired their spirit -- envied it, in fact, because I had none.

That's right, I didn't have emotional stake in our victory. To be honest, my loyalties lay with Harvard. Their rich crimson-colored uniforms were more flattering, and they appeared all to be wearing the same brand of sneakers.

I'm not sure who won, because it was hard to tell which numbers signified what on the scoreboard. At one point, everyone in the stands grabbed their coats and started streaming toward the exits. I figured that was the end of the game.
Tuesday, January 31st, 2006
9:28 pm
CONVERSATIONS WITH MY AGENT by Rob Long (excerpt below)

SFX: Phone rings.



My agent is sitting by the pool.

Hi! The weather is great!

Where are you?

On vacation. For the holidays.

Which holidays?

The Jewish holidays.

Which holiday?

You're an Episcopalian. A WASP. What do
you know from Jewish holidays?

I know some Jewish holidays. Try me.

What is this, the Inquisition? Am I on
trial? My God, I am on trial. This I
cannot believe.

I'm just asking you which Jewish holiday
it is that you're celebrating.

The Festival of Schmutblech.


Okay so I made it up. I'm not allowed a
day off apparently.

I was just curious--

I called you with good news and you
instantly attack me.

What's the good news?

I forget. I'm all turned around.

Was it . . . something about my feature
spec? Because I've been thinking and it
occurred to me that if I take a year off
from tele--

Oh yeah. I remember. They just hired a
head of the network. And the good news
is that the guy they hired has never heard
of you or your show.

Why is that good news?

Because the other person they were
considering hates you and your work.


Don't obsess. That person is no longer in
the running. Your job now is to maintain
as low a profile as possible and shoot as
many shows as possible as quickly as
you can.


I've got to go. It's time for the service.
Saturday, January 28th, 2006
1:31 pm
Maddox . . . Broderick?
I had the most awful nightmare last night. I was trying to take an economics test given by my favorite professor (my major advisor) but I hadn't studied and I didn't know any of the answers.

In one section, I had to match celebrity baby names with their parents. I put "Sarah Jessica Parker" for each, figuring that way I would get at least one right.
Friday, January 27th, 2006
12:23 am
oh my.
dumbest line in poetry:
nobody, not even the rain, has such small hands. -- e.e. cummings
Thursday, January 26th, 2006
10:45 pm
Phrases I Detest
"The devil's in the details."

"That's neither here nor there."

All cast utterances, scripted and unscripted, of The Disney Channel's "That's So Raven."
6:46 pm
Overheard in New York
Teen girl #1: Let's go in this store.
Teen girl #2: I don't know...it looks kind of sketch. And there's a weird guy staring at us.
Teen girl #1: Come on! What have we got to lose?
Teen girl #3: Um, our virginity?

--St. Marks

Woman: Is that Perhaps?
Man: What?
Woman: Is that Perhaps?
Man: "Perhaps"?
Woman: Yeah, there's this dog called Perhaps that hangs around here. Yours looks just like it.

--Carl Schurz Park, Upper East Side
Monday, January 23rd, 2006
5:47 pm
PROFESSOR: So what we observe in conduction is the polarization of charges -- attraction, followed by repulsion. Kind of like marriage.
Friday, January 20th, 2006
11:26 pm
Pronounced "Tahl-STOY"
If you loved Anna Karenina, you might like Tolstoy's The Kreutzer Sonata. I didn't -- and I don't. I'm currently reading The K.S. and wishing I'd just stuck to re-reading War and Peace, which perhaps is Tolstoy's only masterpiece. He's such an optimist in that book -- about social institutions, families, love and human nature itself -- but he does an about-face in the doom-and-gloom Kreutzer Sonata. I don't get it.

It could be that the Kreutzer narrator merely plays Devil's Advocate for the wiser and more detached Tolstoy, like Nabokov's pedophile in Lolita. Subtlety of that sort is always lost on me.

I also got a book on Justice Scalia's most scathing dissents, and I can't wait to read it. The moralistic, outcome-oriented Scalia isn't my hero on the bench -- that would be Alito, just as soon as he dons the black robe -- but Scalia is widely praised for his rhetorical skill and wit.
Thursday, December 15th, 2005
12:32 am
Boss: You really need to stop asking so many questions and start figuring things out for yourself, especially when you are out producing jobs.

Worker: You're right, I realize that. I'm trying harder.

Boss: And about this job you worked Saturday night; did you know what you were doing there?

Worker: To be honest, I wasn't sure on some things.

Boss: Well, did you ask anyone what your role was supposed to be? If you don't know something you really need to start asking questions. People are here to help you.
Thursday, October 27th, 2005
7:38 pm
Friends only, bub.
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